Letter to A Victim I Know
The school is about to defend claims against itself by alumni who were damaged. I have no horse in this race besides believing that no man is an island, and therefore someone else’s struggle is also mine - especially if he/she is really struggling. There are at least two other Saint David’s alumni who are in this boat with me, that is, helping other men.
No doubt, there are other men who don’t want to talk about this.
Normal to feel guilt, shame, uneasiness.
Normal to feel like you are somehow responsible for bringing abuse onto yourself. It’s also normal NOT to want to report a sex crime; among victims, 20% of victims fear retaliation, 13% believe no one will help (police, specifically), 8% believe it’s not important, and 13% believe it’s a “personal matter.” (https://www.rainn.org/statistics/criminal-justice-system).
Saint David’s has an endowment of $70 million. The Headmaster of Saint David’s receives a salary reportedly above $500,000 as well as a residence to live in. I don't know if that number is accurate, but it's possible.
To me and to the other men I allude to above, the attitude of the school has been disdain. This is not an appropriate attitude towards alumni, neither morally nor financially. How many hours, or entire years, did you spend in the halls of Saint David’s? How many friendships were made? How many influential moments happened in the classroom or on the playing field or on a trip that remain in your memory to this day?
How many of your fellow classmates were threatened with murder if they told anyone they’d been sexually molested by David Ludlow?
How many other teachers knew what he was up and did nothing? Teachers who are still at the school, in fact.
I’m not asking you to sue Saint David’s. I’m giving you more information to help you decide what you want to do regarding what happened to you.
And I know how very difficult it is to talk about. AND you have many allies.
Last night Saint David's held its annual benefit gala at the Plaza Hotel. Please note the theme of the gala.
And, what about putting some of that money raised into a fund to benefit the many men who were hurt at Saint David's?